The New Inn

67 Caerphilly Road, Birchgrove [map]
 

What the hey? This is what happens when town planners return from lengthy liquid lunches and confuse the placement of the local pub with the location of the double-glazing showroom.

In this instance, a compromise was reached by combining the two.

Swift delivery of lager by friendly bar staff. Note the Deal of the Week, which offers two bottles of VS Mix (presumably some form of low-grade WKD clone) for £3.50.

Take your pick from lemon, cherry or, erm, blue flavours. What exactly does 'blue' taste of - a chlorinated swimming pool? We opt against finding out.

That's the weekly shop done, then: 240 tea bags, 50 economy sausages, some lemons and a large tub of Clover. No idea what the deal is with those flags, by the way.

Good to see a pool table with plenty of room around it. Nothing worse than accidentally cueing someone in the testicles while attempting to break.

Oh god, The Photographer's trying to be all arty again. That's all we need.

Look up and it's like one of those spiked ceilings that gradually lowers towards the floor in a bid to comprehensively impale the hero in a 1980s action movie.

We don't fancy being spiked, so make our escape to the conservatory area at the front of the pub. Where we're strangely overcome by an urge to buy some new uPVC windows.