Cwtch Mawr

10 Cathedral Road, Pontcanna [map]


Cwtch Mawr (Welsh for the nauseatingly twee 'big cuddle') is part of boutique hotel Jolyon's. Posh, innit?


For some reason, The Photographer is particularly thrilled by the prospect of a pint of McEwan's.

It's not much of a drink, to be honest, but it did inspire this memorable 1980s TV advert. So that's good.


Shit me, look at the size of that jar of olives. It's as if we've had an alcoholic blackout and ended up in Wally's Deli by mistake.


Actually, this is a bit like sitting in the drawing room of some grand country house. Albeit one that happens to have three different types of lager on tap.


A doorway with the words The Writing Room above it leads into this idiosyncratic little corner, home to the ugliest seats in Pontcanna.


Head down those steps on the left and you'll wend your way to the hotel reception.

Any temporary accommodation in which you're obliged to go through a bar in order to reach your room is all right by us.

The Beverley

75-77 Cathedral Road, Pontcanna [map]


"Bar, dining & hotel," promises the signage above the door. If that's not a good day out, we don't know what is.

Although whether two meals for a fiver quite constitutes "dining" remains to be seen.


But we're not really interested in eating. Not when there's beer to be drunk.

Quite why anywhere would bother stocking both Carlsberg and Carling remains a mystery. Many years of intensive research has taught us that there's only so much cooking lager you can drink.

As you can tell by the discombobulating slant, the bar area once doubled up as a baddies' lair in a 1960s Batman episode.


Despite - or perhaps because of - the angle, the service is remarkably swift. So swift, in fact, that it's actually resulted in motion blur.


There's something reassuring about seeing a fruit machine in a pub, even if you never play it. The way it speaks of a sense of optimism in the face of the bleakest of odds borders on the poetic.

More pragmatically, it's also a nice little earner for the landlord.

The Cricketers

66 Cathedral Road, Pontcanna [map]


There's plenty to take in as you approach The Cricketers, including an appallingly parked bicycle and an entirely unanticipated barbecue - via the fact that a member of ZZ Top appears to be sat on one of the benches.


We're already a few drinks in but manage to hold it together for long enough to avail ourselves of some delicious lager.

Well, two pints of Carlsberg, anyway.


An abundance of eager bar staff. Just as well really, as there's lots going on for a Saturday afternoon - from a wedding party in one corner, to a live band down the end of a marquee (more of which in a moment).


There's loads of room, with a plethora of comfy seating and the whole place is tastefully - if slightly blandly - decorated.


The Cricketers also houses all the cutlery you could ever hope for.


We lurch out the back only to find ourselves in an enormous tent populated by a dozen or so punters gawping at a covers band known as Acoustic Zeppelin. Who, as the name suggests, perform acoustic versions of Led Zep songs.

As you can see, they're going down an absolute storm.

The Cayo

36 Cathedral Road, Pontcanna [map]


This place looks more like a guest house than it does a pub. And - what do you know? - upstairs it offers five en suite bedrooms.

Which must come in handy if you've had a bit of a session and aren't actually capable of leaving the premises under your own power.

And imagine waking up in a pub. What a way to start the day.


Have you ever seen such ridiculously tall pumps? If you're not at least 6ft 5in, don't even think about applying for a job pulling pints here.

More to the point though, what the pissing hell are all those gnomes doing behind the bar?


Plenty going on. There's some furious text messaging, for starters.

Not to mention the first-rate teapot impression that bloke's doing while leaning against the fruit machine.


It's a scientifically proven fact that anyone under the age of 24 is incapable of going to the pub unless it's as part of a group of at least 10 people.


If there's one thing worse than comedy slogan T-shirts, it's comedy slogan pint glasses.


Head out the back and they've got what amounts to a posh gazebo and - in those twisty plant things - some of the most quixotic beer-garden shrubbery you'll ever see.

The Halfway

247 Cathedral Road, Pontcanna [map]


What an audaciously inappropriate name for a drinking establishment. It's impossible to look at the signage without instinctively wanting to tag 'house' on to the end of it.

Although if your idea of a halfway house is a pub, you really are in trouble.


There's a certain hazy quality to these pics, as if the famous Pontcanna smog hasn't quite burned off yet.

Still, through the mist, we can just about discern a familiar selection of lagers on tap - which takes care of the principal qualification we look for in a tavern.


The interior is sombre enough that it maintains the aspect of a traditional boozer, although an outsize TV set and quiz machine inevitably make an appearance.


We've often thought of pubs as hallowed ground - but that bloke seems to be having an actual religious experience.


Curiously, this Brains-run establishment is home to exactly the same model of typewriter that Pint of 45 is composed on. What are the chances?


Outside is a miniature courtyard primarily composed of bunting and pieces of furniture so archaic and uncomfortable that they may well have been used as medieval torture devices.