Mordaith

8-16 Park Place, Cardiff [map]

Hmmm… anywhere that houses large speakers on the outside suggests it's the sort of boozer that isn't really for us. After all, it's not as if they're going to be pumping out, let's say, the new Nick Cave album, is it?

All this is forgotten though as soon as we establish that there's no queue whatsoever at the bar and that two pints of Beck's can be obtained for a paltry £3.50.

For somewhere that sounds as if it's located just east of Gondor, there's a refreshing lack of orcs (well, aside for the one in the middle of the shot gazing listlessly at the football and wondering why it doesn't involve people attacking each other with war hammers).

Also, we're fairly certain that plasma screens haven't reached Middle-earth yet. So well done Mordaith for confounding expectations on that front.

The pattern on the carpet is ideal for impromptu games of Twister, as the bloke on the right is about to demonstrate. Unfortunately, he puts his back out in the process and has to be stretchered off the premises 10 minutes later.

Henry's

Park Chambers, Park Place, Cardiff [map]


Tucked away just off Queen Street, Henry's is one of those places we always seem to walk past but hardly ever go in.


Which is slightly surprisingly given that its generous menu of various grades of cooking lager includes Carling, Stella, Heineken and Grolsch.

It's also pretty big on wine. We're best kept away from the wine though - turns out that if you down it at the same rate we usually consume lager, bad things happen.


The airy, colonial-style interior is elegantly done.

Not sure about those high tables though. As Will Self puts it, they are "an import from US sports bars that have no real function unless there's a screen somewhere in the mid-distance showing NFL playoffs." (There isn't.)


Don't know what's going on here but it looks as if it's not so much a big night out as a board meeting.

We're pretty sure the woman with her back to us is taking minutes.


Over in the other direction are two blokes at the bar engaged in a Very Serious Conversation.

No one here seems to be having much fun.


The Photographer suggests we liven things up by one of us vaulting off that table and performing a flying neckbreaker on the statue facing the door ("Don't worry, that huge plant next to it will cushion your landing," he says).

As it is, we quietly finish our pints and head off without incident, while discussing last night's episode of Come Dine With Me.

Cardiff Arts Institute

29 Park Place, Cathays [map]


What was once Incognito is now the confusingly-named Cardiff Arts Institute, an eccentrically-decorated bar/eatery/music venue/gallery.

With regards to that bloke on the right: it's not obligatory to have a little cry on the way in, although some people do find it helps.

Professionals that we are, we don't let it put us off though.


Our reward: a veritable chorus line of lagers. Beautiful. Note also teetering stack of board games.

We hate board games.


The overall effect of the decor is akin to visiting a branch of Ikea while mashed off your face on high-powered blotter acid. (We're guessing, obviously.)


We're with Nicki from Cardiff Bites, who is taking copious notes - making this, between us, the most scrupulously chronicled bar meal of all time.


Incredible self-reviewing art installation.


Yikes.