Ffynnon Wen

Thornhill Road, Thornhill [map]

It's like two pubs in one, the Ffynnon Wen (which, according to Google Translate, means 'Ffynnon Wen' in English - thanks Google).

The first bit you get to is like an extravagant bungalow.

And then there's this cottagey section, which dates from the 17th century. The bollard by the entrance doesn't really add to the period charm but there you go.

We head to the bar to once again put our livers on the line. A word of advice: you really need to watch out for that beam.

It's difficult to tell as much from this photo but it's actually only just over 5ft high. Forget to duck in time (easily done if you're well on your way to being blootered - as we inevitably are) and it'll take your head clean off.

The Wen is big on food - as you can tell by the generous array of wicker baskets full of dressings and the like.

That said, we're advocates of sauces being supplied in squeezy bottles as opposed to individual sachets, which only create a large amount of condiment-based admin when really you want to be tucking straight into your burger and chips.

They're just about to close this area for some sort of private function. Whatever's taking place, we're certain that condiment-based admin will be involved.

The Pendragon

Excalibur Drive, Thornhill [map]

The Pendragon is not so much a pub with a car park as a car park with a pub.

After narrowly avoiding being run over by a reversing Honda Civic, we make it to the entrance.

What we're presented with looks less like a barrelhouse than it does a high-end doctor's surgery. Although the idea of being able to have a pint while you're waiting to see your GP is quite appealing.

Pretty standard stuff at the bar: an assortment of drinks from Brains and various multinational conglomerates, some charity collection boxes, a selection of nuts, a barmaid doing the hokey cokey.

This end of the pub is a veritable fun house, with its gaming machines, pool table and large telly excreting sport.

It's still not enough stimulation for that bloke on the right though, who's adding to the sensory overload by playing Fruit Ninja on his phone. After all, no trip to the boozer is complete without the creation of a virtual fruit salad with a katana, right?

No takers today for the cabana or beer garden - although people are probably put off by the fact that a significant part of the outside area appears to be a cordoned-off crime scene. The sort of thing that's enough to put anyone off their SA.